Kia Kaha

I’m so disappointed in myself. 

I should have all A’s. 

Patience. Perseverance. Prayer. 

My ROUGH draft for English III Dual-AP class       

There she lied in a casket as white as her soul. You could have easily mistaken her for a woman merely asleep. The church filled with silence as we looked down at an embalmed body with the visage like that of a porcelain doll.  The emotions amongst our family seemed as if they believed she was gone forever; I know that’s not the case. Tragic events may invite anger or heartache into the human soul, but through the loss of my great grandmother, something had reawakened in my mind. Despite the bitterness, I still like the taste of grapefruit.

            Excited for my first California adventure, I skipped all across the driveway of a Southern California home.  This house was one I could not recognize. Because of mailed pictures sent by my cousins, images of relatives’ homes were now vivid in my mind. This small, age-worn house was one I had never seen before. Curious as to whose home this belonged to, I rested my head on a window sill – letting my eyes peek through. To my surprise, I saw an elderly couple standing up tall. Moments later, my grandfather sneaked up from behind and said “Pangga, let’s go inside”.  I replied with a question while pointing towards the window. “Papa, who are they?” I inquired. “Mga Lola ug Lolo mo.” He briefly stated. This strange elderly couple was my great grandparents! They were the reason for the 105 relatives I have today. The Gonzales family is the one I laugh and cry with – the family I depend on.  We entered the home, I blessed the elderly, and I passed up on an offer for a bitter grapefruit. After a few moments, I looked into her warm, brown eyes. In an instant, I knew Lola was as happy to see me as I was ecstatic to meet her. Our faces shone as bright as the summer themed dress I had worn that day. Although her age-worn, high cheek boned, wrinkling face was apparent on the surface, a young, youthful judgeless heart appeared within. This characteristic is what I admired most about her. She had a welcoming smile that I practice in the mirror every day.

            Several years later, I woke up from a nap. All I could hear was the sound of sniffling and attempts at gasping for air. These sounds came from my grandparents. That day, we discovered my great grandfather had died at 93. My recurrent thought was “I wonder how the rest of the family is taking this – especially Lola”. We drove a tiring 20-hour drive from Dallas, Texas to Temple City, California. As we pulled up to the driveway I once skipped across, I could not help but notice the changes that had occurred. In the back groves of the house, oranges and grapefruits were found in abundance. The weather outside appeared a depressing shade of gloom. The only apparent brightness came from the citrus. But inside the house, to my surprise, it was as if the gray shades of death never lingered there. Great grandma pulled up in front of us in a wheelchair. I sensed a feeling of distraught but still a smile carried on that made her ninety years of age about thirty years younger. At lunch time, we ate grapefruits. This time was different. Usually, I would not dare eat a grapefruit without salt or sau-sau (soy sauce) but I was so intrigued by how Lola was taking such a tragedy that the bitterness was something I did not seem to mind. She was such an optimistic person. Even if she had lost her true love; her companion, she knew that this was not the end. Her faith in God reached high – towards the clouds. Thus, experienced the blessing of living a century. To my whole family, she was an inspiration and supported each of us no matter what path we chose.

Josefina Jablan Gonzales was an astonishing 100 and 8 months old. She was a hard working, vegetarian mother of a dozen. Her actions reached out to me; her beliefs, such as thanking God for a glass half full, is something I attempt to apply to my daily life. Regretfully, I was not there to visit her on her death bed but still, she lives on throughout our family today. There was many things she taught and one thing I live by: no matter how bitter the grapefruit, the bitterness will only last as long as you choose.

fishforpeople:

Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light.

- Matthew 6:22

Should we stay or should we go?

Our minds are focused on all things rejection.

Things so important are neglected attention.

Still you have yet to be tainted.

You are a picture so beautifully painted.

This is my exasperation.

A toss-up to upset my imagination.

A heart, a mind so full of hesitation.

What happened to my concentration?

There are several things I want to know.

But I’m afraid of viewing that show.

Well, Rome was not built in one day.

It will take sometime to pray.

Burdens placed in the hands above.

The only truth that I fear and love.

I’ve come to realize the cycle will end when pigs fly.

In the end, it’s best to leave it at this:

Let sleeping dogs lie.

That’s my only wish.

Even through all the change, through all the distance. 

I’ll remain the same.

People, places, etc.

Or maybe it was just me being oblivious.